Monday Accountability~ 7/21/14

Over the last two weeks I pretty much lost my mind. Thankfully I have it back now, but the damage has been done and it’s time to get back on track. I know that I struggle with anxiety and depression, but I didn’t really expect everything to hit me so hard. I honestly think that the extra hormones from my TOM hitting at the same time really exacerbated things, but that’s not an excuse. The truth is I got overwhelmed and just let everything go and I need to find ways to keep that from happening.

I turned to junk food and processed foods again as comfort, and you know what? I felt horrible! Even after just a week of eating clean, going back to my old ways made me feel like crap. I didn’t realize it at first because of the depression, but once I started thinking logically again over the last few days, I realized that a lot of the physical I was feeling was from the food, not the feelings. I also gained back what I lost the first week (and a few more pounds). Thankfully since I’ve been back to drinking more water again, the few more pounds are gone, but I am still right back where I was when I started.

So this week the plan is to start tracking again, get out of my apartment more, move more and get my momentum going in the right direction. There shouldn’t be any triggering events coming up that I’m aware of until we hit the holiday season, so I should be able to make some really good progress before I’m faced with another battle. And hopefully I’ll be better prepared for the next one so the damage will be minimal.

I’m not posting a weigh-in today, because it’s exactly as I said and the same weight I started with when I joined WW. Next week I hope to have some progress to show!

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Weekly Photo Post…

Before sharing this week’s pictures, it looks like I need a new title for this feature since there is a new link up using the “Life in Pictures” name and I don’t want any confusion (or to be accused of being a copy-cat, since I try very hard not to be). I switched to the Life in Pictures name about a year or so ago when I stopped using photos just from my walks and started using random photos from my week. Since I started my 43/43 photo a day project (and selfie a day project as well), I really want to keep this feature going so I can share my photos each week. Yes, I still share photos on Instagram, but I only share photos shot with my actual camera here on the blog (and only photos shot on my phone on Instagram… I’m weird that way). I would love any suggestions you all might have for a new title… so far I’ve come up with “My Week Without Words” or “Photo Project.”

In the meantime, enjoy this week’s photos!

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Celebrations Volume III

I won’t lie, I was very hard pressed to come up with things to celebrate this week, it was definitely a struggle.

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July 12th~ I honestly have no idea what I celebrated this day… unless it was food. I did a lot of “eat all the food” over the weekend.

July 13th~ Today’s celebration was for summer. It is incredibly beautiful out right now, but also incredibly HOT, at least when you don’t have air conditioning!

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July 14th~ I did a lot of future planning and work on my 43/43 list this day, so I guess you could say I was celebrating the future.

July 15th~ This was my birthday, so my celebration there was pretty obvious. I didn’t do much to celebrate the day, but I did have some cupcakes and cocktails.

July 16th~ We have a monthly team meeting at work and this was today, so I celebrated teamwork!

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July 17th~ I did nothing on July 17th, no cleaning, so work, just nothing more than what I felt like doing at the moment, so I celebrated the fine art of doing nothing… and it was amazing!

July 18th~ Today I’m celebrating my independence. It was really brought home to me this week that I am completely on my own now, so I have to be strong enough to take care of myself in all situations.

What are you celebrating?

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Thinking Out Loud 7/17/14

Do you ever have those days where you literally don’t want to do anything? Days where you would happily sit and stare into space for hours at a time? That is totally me today! I was exhausted last night and went to bed at 7:30, though I slept only intermittently until about 11:00 when I conked out. I woke up about 5:30 this morning to feed the kitties, but then laid back down and just hung out in bed until about 9. It’s after 11 now and I’m still in my pajamas and I have accomplished exactly nothing.

Since it’s Thursday, I wanted to join up with Amanda and share my thoughts… though to be honest, even this sounds like a lot of work today!

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I have a lot to do, so I feel like I should get over myself and get some work done around the house. But on the other hand, I have been focused on work every day and haven’t taken a veg out day in a really long time. And while taking a day off isn’t necessarily going to help me reach my goals, allowing my body to relax and recover could help me to come back stronger tomorrow right?

Part of the problem is that I really need to do laundry, and I hate laundry! Plus I don’t have enough money on my laundry card to do all of it today, so I will have to do some of it later anyway. But I don’t have enough clothes to see me through until Monday which is the next day I could do laundry. There’s a very big part of me that wants to just go buy enough clothes to get me through, but even that seems like too much effort right now.

I’ve had a very emotional week, starting last week with my parent’s move and continuing on through my birthday this past Tuesday. I have run the gamut from anxiety through depression through massive loneliness. I’m feeling pretty solid emotionally today for the most part, just still tired and not wanting to focus on anything. The only thing that I’ve wanted all week is my daddy (and mommy), but alas, I am a grown up and just have to deal with the fact that I am completely on my own.

I think what I really need to do is have some fun. I need to plan something into my weekend. Maybe a movie or a museum day. I do have a free burger at Red Robin still for my birthday as well. I am off on Saturday and usually get off around 3 on Sunday so I’ll have to think about that.

Is what I’m feeling today all symptoms of my depression? Possibly, probably, but I am not feeling down and dejected today, just tired and in need of rest. Plus I have a migraine, so that is a pretty big contributor to my lack of desire to accomplish anything as well. Which is something else right there, since my hormones are all over the freaking place now! And don’t get me started on the heat, especially when combined with hot flashes. The best part is I probably have about 5 or 6 more years of this ( maybe a few more) before I’m done. Yay for perimenopause! And for starting it early in life (I’ve been dealing with it for a few years now and I just turned 43).

So now the question is, do I just bite the bullet and get some laundry done? Or head to Target a pick up a few things to get me through? Or just leave it for tomorrow, since I have enough underwear to get me through one more day?

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Looking Forward to the Year Ahead

I’m getting this post set up a day early because I really don’t know what is happening yet. So while you are reading this I will either be surrounded by friends and family celebrating my bay somewhere in Seattle or I will be hanging out with the cats cleaning the apartment and doing laundry. I strongly suspect it’s the latter, but I’m keeping my options open.

July 2

My head has not been in a good place for the past week, but I was able to put together a list of things that I want to accomplish over the next year. Some of the items are repeats from last year’s list that I really want to do and just haven’t been able to get to them yet (like visit the Woodland Park Zoo). Most of the items are new this year. I have things relating to the blog (like creating a newsletter), fitness (being able to do a pull-up), finance (saving $43 each month) and personal fulfillment (decorate for Christmas).

In total, there are 43 items on the list. Several of the items require me to do 43 things in those categories (do 43 different workouts, eat at 43 different restaurants), while the others are just one-offs (go to a parade). The complete list can be found here.

I want to do better this year. I have created the separate 43/43 page {linked above} to track everything on and hope to do monthly updates throughout the year. I want to have adventures in my life and to change the way I live. I don’t want to remain trapped in my current situation. I want to live.

And now I am going to go stick a candle in a cupcake and make a wish for an amazing year ahead. When my 44th birthday rolls around next year, I want to be able to say I successfully completed everything on my list.

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Life in Pictures 7/13/14

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Whatever Happened to 42 While 42?

Last year to celebrate my 42nd birthday, I created a list of 42 things that I wanted to do in the year ahead. I had a lot of grand plans and really thought that I would accomplish most of the items. Sadly I fell quite a bit short of the mark with the list, but I did complete some pretty awesome things…

4. Attend a blog conference.

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I attended the Healthy Living Summit in Minneapolis last September and met my best blogging friends and some truly amazing women. I also started taking the steps to grow my blog.

11. Go to the Seattle Aquarium.

I went and I loved it! I forgot my camera, so I wasn’t able to blog and post pictures about it, but since I fully intend to go back again, I’ll make sure I get am aquarium post up this year!

13. Go on a Christmas Dinner Cruise.

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You can read all about it here.

16. Attend the ballet.

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I attended the PNB’s production of The Nutcracker in December. All of the details are here.

26. Eat at the Melting Pot.

This was the very first item marked off my list last year. My friend Monique and I went to celebrate our birthdays. It was all I had ever imagined it to be and more!

While those are the only items I completed on my long list of 42 things, I did thoroughly enjoy all of the things I did! I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do something like this again for my 43rd birthday, since I didn’t have a lot of success with this one. But I decided to change it up a bit and am putting something together. And I fully intend to complete more than 5 items this year!

 

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Celebrations Vol II

Happy Friday!!! I had such a great time celebrating last week that I am back to do it again! Here’s how I celebrated this week…

July 5th~ Because I ended up having kind of a rough time on Friday, I spent Saturday celebrating my health, both mental and physical. I got in a great strength workout, ate some delicious healthy food, created a new chili recipe and spent some time in reflection. I also took a really nice nap!

July 6th~ I celebrated friendships today and stopped by to see some of my old coworkers!

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July 7th~ My cats are a big part of my family too (obviously), so today I spent snuggling and cuddling with my two favorite felines, the Fit Kitties, aka Disney and Cheshire!

July 8th~ This day I celebrated my family! It was my dad’s birthday and my parents were packing up to move to their new home in Oregon. My brother flew down to San Diego to drive the moving truck up for them, so they all got to be together for a couple of days and are now going to be living super close to each other again!

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July 9th~ I won’t lie, and you know if you read my post yesterday, but Wednesday was a very rough day for me with my anxiety pitched to a very high level. I also had a pretty tough day at work as well… the good news is I did find something to celebrate though! Yes, I stopped to buy all the junk food I could carry, I didn’t eat it! I was able to have the food in the house, be in an incredibly emotional state and NOT eat all the food.

July 10th~ Thursday was all about relaxation for me. My parents arrived at their new home around 8:30 am, and I was no longer stressed about them driving, so I was able to finally chill out a little (of course, with the lack of air flow in my apartment, I wish I could mean this literally as well, but sadly no… it’s freaking HOT!). I had a few things to take care of during the day, but then I was able to catch up on my sleep and celebrate the art of the nap!

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July 11th~ And that brings us to today. I’ve got a big meeting at work that I’m nervous about, but I am going in with lots of positivity. So today I decided that I am going to celebrate my job.

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Thinking Out Loud~ 7/10/14

Yep, it’s Thursday. Yep, I’m going to link-up with Amanda and share my thoughts out loud. You know the drill… check out the other great blogs linking up today and show some love!

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~I mentioned last week that I was potentially looking at taking a trip  to Disneyland in place of Madison in September… sadly that is not going to happen. I decided that financially it just didn’t make sense at this time.

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~ I am hoping to start doing some transcription work at home to help supplement my income. I have taken my test and it has been accepted for review (meaning it passed the first phase), now I am waiting to hear if I passed. I’m supposed to hear from them by Saturday.

~ My position at my new job might be changing slightly soon. I was asked if I was interested in a full-time overnight position. I told them I was. They’re supposed to get back to me. I also found out about another huge change at work, but that really shouldn’t affect my position too much (I hope), but it does potentially change a whole lot of other things.

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~ My anxiety level has been through the roof with my parents’ move. I haven’t slept because I worry about them out there on the road for so long and getting tired. Plus people drive like idiots. Plus my brother is driving the moving truck which is the 26′ plus towing my mom’s car on the back. And my parents are in my dad’s pickup which is also full of stuff. Plus they are supposed to be updating me and aren’t. So yeah, major anxiety which has led to no sleep, lots of irritability and the desire to eat all the food. Thankfully the move will be done today and I can go back to my normal emotional state.

~ The previously mentioned desire to eat all the food resulted in a junk food shopping trip. At this point I have not devoured the $30 worth of junk food that is now in my apartment (with the exception of the ice cream), but it is here. I may use it for Tuesday’s celebration.

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~ Speaking of Tuesday’s celebration, a part of me wants to pretend that my family is going to come surprise me with a visit and use that as motivation to get my apartment cleaned. But another part of me is afraid that I’ll get my hopes up that it might actually happen and then that would suck when it didn’t. So I will need some other form of motivation for cleaning…

~ And I am probably not in the best frame of mind to be sharing all of the thoughts in my head, because the tone of this post is certainly not peppy and upbeat. Granted, I do try to keep it real, even when things aren’t great, but my head is not in a happy place right now. It’s in an “I’m ticked off at the world” kind of place. Sleep will probably help this when I can get my brain to shut down.

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~ In the meantime I’m binge-watching Parks and Recreation on Netflix. I was rotating through a few random shows for the last several weeks, but once I got to the point where the two good couples got together (Andy & April and Leslie & Ben), I started focusing all of my Netflix energies on Parks & Rec. And while on the subject, has anyone watched Last Man Standing with Tim Allen? I loved the first season and was totally into it, then they changed the actress who plays his oldest daughter and brought is some lame baby daddy and the show completely lost me… way too much political BS and not enough comedy. I stopped watching after the second or third episode of season 2 and I’m not sure if I’m going to go back.

~ Today is my Grandpa Ray’s birthday, or would have been. He passed away when I was 13 and I still miss him every day. With three birthdays so close together, we used to do a joint party with a cake for my dad and grandpa and a separate cake for me when I was little. I have vivid memories of one party in particular when someone made the guys a naughty cake… I couldn’t even tell you what my cake was, but I remember theirs.

~ Alrighty, I’m going to take my bad attitude and call this week’s edition of Thinking Out Loud complete… join me tomorrow for a hopefully much more upbeat post!

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WIAW~ The Weight Watchers Edition

I have decided that I want to link up for What I Ate Wednesday at least twice a month. I really enjoy doing these posts for some reason… especially since I haven’t been eating such boring food lately! So this week I am joining up with Jenn over at Peas & Crayons to share my eats, complete with Weight Watchers points!

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Breakfast: Whole grain toast, peanut butter and banana 7 pts.

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Snack: Plum 0 pts.

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Lunch: Salad with Bleu Cheese Vinaigrette and Dr Pepper 6 pts.

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Snack: Veggies with Hummus 2 pts.

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Treat: Fudgsicle 2 pts.

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Dinner: Whole grain pasta with sautéed veggies and beef/chicken meatballs in sauce 17 pts. (I splurged a bit on this dinner)

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Snack: Applesauce 0 pts.

A few notes: This was a splurge day with dinner going a little higher in points than I would normally go, but not too outrageous. And yes, I do eat practically every meal at my desk when I’m at home.

 

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