I definitely have a lot on my mind, so it’s time to do some Thinking Out Loud… I will be linking up with Amanda again this week, so please stop by and check out her blog and the others who are Thinking Out Loud this week…
I have been completely overwhelmed by my life lately and I think it’s simply because everything has gotten completely out of whack. And I’m trying to fix everything at one time and that isn’t working, so I need to take a step back and focus on one thing at a time until I get everything back where it needs to be. That means my focus is going to shift for a little while until I am able to embrace everything again.
My first priority right now is my mental health, and that means providing and environment where I feel safe, nurtured, creative and inspired. Right now my apartment does not fit that bill at all. I don’t think of it as home, it’s just an apartment. I don’t know if that is part of the reason that I let things get so completely messy or if the feelings stem because of the perpetual messiness, but I need to make a major change here!
My focus for the next few weeks is going to be making my apartment more conducive to what I need. That means a thorough cleaning and de-junking. I have asked for some help in hauling a bunch of boxes and stuff away, but if anyone else local wants to chip in, all help would be appreciated. I also have a ton of old romance books (Harlequin Presents mostly) that I’ve been holding onto for years and will be donating. If anyone is interested in any of them, or has some suggestions for somewhere local to donate, please let me know. I do have a couple of donation places already in mind, but there are a lot of books.
I am hoping that once the apartment is livable again, I will be able to focus more on the other areas of my life that need work. For one thing it’s really hard to workout when there is
crap stuff all over the living room. And it’s harder to eat healthy when an already small kitchen is cluttered with bags of recycling. And I’m also hoping that it will begin to feel more like a home, but I’m not sure that part is possible here.
There are a lot of aspects about where I live now that contribute to the lack of a homey feel that are not just inside my living space. They include the neighbors and the building itself as well. To be honest, I just don’t feel comfortable here, even after living here for a year and a half. I think that I’ve mentioned that I’ve thought about looking for a place downtown closer to my job when my lease is up, and that is definitely still a consideration. But with my current mental state (and I’m not in a bad mental state right now), I am considering something else as well. I am thinking about looking for a job in Eugene or Roseburg and moving to Oregon next year.
It’s been really hard on me being away from my family, especially lately. When my brother was still living in Washington it wasn’t as bad because there were only about 2 hours between us, and I was able to see him every few months. Until this current stint, the longest I had gone without seeing him was 5 months, now it’s been over a year. And I think I’ve mentioned it’s been close to 2 years since I’ve seen my parents. My family is very close and they are my rock and I think I really need to be closer to them. Yes, my parents are much closer now than they were when they lived in San Diego, but there are still about 9-ish hours between us (by bus & train, I don’t currently own a car), so visits will still be infrequent.
This isn’t something that I’ve decided completely yet, just something that I’ve started thinking about over the last week or so. I haven’t even done any research on the issue yet, which if you know me well, you know I will research the heck out of it before I take any action. But I do need to do something to make me feel more grounded and secure, so that is my current mission. I think everything else will fall into place from there.